About an hour ago, I was out for a walk downtown, clearing my head, when I passed a stranger heading the same direction on the sidewalk. Semi-homeless looking, probably late twenties-early thirties, he had a caveman quality about his head, the shoulder length curly hair and those white framed sunglasses they used to wear.
As I passed him, I heard him speak from behind me. ”Hey, man, what’re you doing today?”
Curious, thinking maybe he was on the phone with someone, I turned around after a moment. ”Yeah, I’m talking to you.” he said.
"I thought maybe you were on the phone" I replied.
"Let me ask you something." he began. "Does everything of value have a price?"
I smiled and told him no.
"Now let me ask you this. Does calling somebody crazy feed your ego?"
Smile still on my face, the two of us walking in the same direction for a moment longer, I answered “Sometimes, yes.”
There, at the corner, he walked on diagonally to the other side of the street while I turned left. He gave me the two handed gun salute as he walked on.
Seeing as how I went for a walk to drag my mind elsewhere, I regretted not continuing on with the guy for at least another block.
We smashed the doors down with our heads and stomped in because walking into the Korean BBQ place is for assholes. The lady smiled and told us to sit anywhere we wanted and then laughed because we’re regulars and she knows we think sitting anywhere is for dicks and then clapped gleefully as we flipped upside down and then embedded ourselves waist deep into the ceiling.
We finished our meals and then held our hands out like Luke fuckin’ Skywalker in that ice cave, and summoned a baby from its stroller from a few booths up. The baby shot into my hand and I wiped my mouth with its fat little body. The parents cried up at me to return it but I didn’t until my face was clean in only the way it can be when you wipe it with a baby. I threw that baby down onto the grill the parents were cooking on and they shrieked and made such a fuss.
"Try the baby." I suggested, but they only went on and on unintelligibly, crying and whatnot. "TRY. THE. BABY." I repeated, and, timidly at first, they took a bite out of their grilled baby. Timid bites turned to great beastly chomps and their faces lit up, the father giving me the thumbs up and a brilliant smile.
"WE’RE OUTTA HERE, GUYS!" we both cried out before exploding through the roof of the place to go find some tea in the night.